


study of a mirror

by mokketake



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Pining, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Repressed Emotions, Slow Burn, Tsundere, kinda slow burn yea, uhm. lesbianism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mokketake/pseuds/mokketake
Summary: sayo hikawa is in love with yukina minato.lisa imai has loved yukina minato for a long time.
Relationships: Hikawa Sayo & Imai Lisa, Hikawa Sayo/Imai Lisa, Hikawa Sayo/Imai Lisa/Minato Yukina, Minato Yukina/Mitake Ran, Udagawa Tomoe/Uehara Himari
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	1. catarrh

sayo was in love with one yukina minato. she knew it, unshakably, yukina’s initials were carved into every bone in her body; her pores oozed sweat infused with her infatuation as the other girl’s voice rang through the concert stadium, the soles of her shoes pounded to her heartbeat when yukina cracked one of her rare smiles, sweet as coffee creamer, warm as one’s breath on a cold day.

there was no one like yukina; no one but yukina; no one to match yukina. from the moment sayo met her, yukina’s hypnotizing devotion and flaming passion had seemed to be contaminate, as sayo found herself working twice, thrice as hard for yukina than she had for anyone else in her life; just to see her smile once again, her approval, starving for the smallest bit of affection and validation from the other girl, whose rare drops of confirmation were to sayo as nicotine was to a cigarette addict--sweet, relieving.

but there was always something nagging in the very back corner of her mind, the one where she locked away all of her problems and insecurities, the one that allowed music to take the forefront of her thoughts and deeds. no, it wasn’t quite a voice, that itch and scratch at the back of her conscience, nor was it a wind blowing in a specific direction… it drove her crazy, some nights, not knowing what it was.

not knowing what felt so wrong--yet, as much as she tried to forget it, she found--so right.

\--

if lisa knew one thing for a fact, it was that she loved yukina minato. the two had been joined at the hip since childhood, thriving off of the praise in each of their respected fields; yukina, her undeniable talent and devotion to music, and lisa, her prominent social presence; the air of grace and kindness that followed wherever she went. the two had always been together, and ever since yukina had been so courteous as to invite lisa to join roselia, lisa just felt that they would forever continue on this path, warm hand in cold palm, the flame to the other’s ice, and vice versa.

in fact, lisa was coming to feel fairly similarly towards her bandmates--no, now, she figured, she could call them her best friends. they made music together, and that was a special bond, unmatched by any other. when they were on stage together, swaying and smiling to ako’s heart-pounding drums and basking in the beautiful ocean of yukina’s voice, they were an unbreakable force, the five of them. the audience saw it too, she knew it; that, perhaps, was what was truly propelling roselia in their climb to the top.

despite their differences--ako’s eccentric interests and bubbly personality, rinko’s quiet demeanor and bright passion, yukina’s complete and utter hard-headed devotion, sayo’s…

well, quite frankly, lisa hadn’t figured out sayo yet. a part of her was a bit scared to.

she left it at that.

so you can imagine her surprise when, on a particularly rainy and cold sunday morning, lisa ran into none other than a soaking wet sayo hikawa at the train station. now, lisa wasn’t ever one to be late--being late made you look sloppy, careless--but sayo hikawa sure as hell wasn’t one to be merely on time. no, sayo was always half an hour to an hour early with her arrival to practice, be it to have time to eat, study, get in even more practice; whatever she deemed fit.

upon closer inspection, however, sayo didn’t quite seem herself today. she was, for one, absolutely drenched from the autumn rain (it wasn’t like her to forget an umbrella). moreso, she was breathing heavily while staring at her phone, then up again, then back down at her phone. and, perhaps most shockingly, she didn’t have her guitar with her. lisa was, at that moment, too scared to approach the girl standing inside of sayo hikawa’s skin.

at practice, however, lisa only caught sayo whisper a few words to yukina out of the corner of her mouth, both of them wearing the same stoic expression. aside from that, practice went as normal and mundanely as it could for roselia.

\--

lisa sat outside CiRCLE with her planner on her knees, contemplating. halloween was next week; a thursday, kind of the shittiest day that halloween could fall on, but she would have to make do. surprisingly enough, she found her week fairly empty aside from the two concerts roselia had on thursday and friday, for halloween and friday the thirteenth, respectively. after a fair amount of sighs and the first few drops of an evening storm, lisa settled on pumpkin sugar cookies.

the following week, she enlisted rinko and ako to help her with the task of baking, ultimately deciding to bake enough for all of her friends, from kasumi to kokoro and of course, roselia. tomoe had tagged along with ako for lack of anything better to do, but lisa couldn’t complain, as she knew ako would take more time playing weapons with kitchen tools than actually helping--but it made her and ako both happy to be around their friends, and so she took gladly to ako’s loud singing and displays of armory.

rinko, predictably, proved much more helpful; able to quickly get the hang of piping frosting, especially details, and with tomoe handling pulling trays out of the oven and bagging individual cookies, the group was able to finish in just a few hours.

\--

that thursday, lisa arrived at their gig with small bags of goodies for her bandmates. they gladly accepted--even yukina, much to lisa’s shock, cracked one of her syrupy smiles at the gesture, but insisted on saving them to enjoy after the show. then, inexplicably anxious, she sought out sayo, plastering on her bravest smile, and handed over the ornate baggie with what felt like a clumsy thrust of her arm.

“imai-san, don’t you know that dairy builds up catarrh? it isn't good to eat right before a performance.”

lisa swore she saw just the faintest hint of pink spread across sayo’s porcelain face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haihai i haven't written fanfic in an appallingly long time so i am quite rusty but sayolisa is important to me and so i wanted to give writing them a swing! this was supposed to be a short one-shot, but looks like it'll last a bit longer...
> 
> also, catarrh is excessive mucus that builds up at the back of the throat, most often when one is sick/has a sinus problem! dairy does cause it, but only really if you're already dealing with excess mucus and the like...
> 
> hope you enjoyed~!


	2. amigurumi

sayo disliked sunny days. they just weren’t befitting of wintertime, making a mockery of summer with bright, clear skies and a stinging wind that made one’s eyes water and feel like their tears would instantaneously crystallize. she far preferred grey skies, rain, snow--even the occasional hailstorm was okay, so long as it didn’t disturb her commute to school and practice--so on the particularly sunny december day, when sayo found herself underdressed for the stinging cold, she did what she was still most hesitant to do. 

“hina,” she breathed lifelessly into her phone, without even a hint of emotion, “would you mind fetching me a jacket before leaving for practice?” that way, hina--if she complied--would be able to hand sayo an extra layer of protection when she left rehearsal, and as hina began hers.

she resented asking hina for help almost as much as she resented carrots and sunny winter days; despite her best efforts, the thought of having to ask her younger sister for help still sparked the slightest rage in her. an improvement from jealousy, though, she supposed.

“sayo-san!” a voice chided as sayo walked into CiRCLE. “you aren’t dressed nearly warm enough for the weather today.”

it was lisa imai. despite having been bandmates for a while now, sayo still found lisa an enigma--although that could be said about a majority of her bandmates. 

she couldn’t even begin to understand where all of udagawa-san’s energy came from (albeit a good pick-me-up even for her, once in a while), and while she could empathize with shirokane-san’s quiet, the utter silence was once eerie to her. minato, however cold the front she put up, was easily read by everyone, her ambition was fueled by goals and emotions even louder than her music. Imai-san, though, was clear as a glass window--the type that birds flew right into. she was popular, courteous, polite to everyone, no matter who, and on the occasion that sayo got a good look at her, she was more than willing to note that, yes, lisa imai was quite good-looking.

sayo wasn’t very good at accepting gestures of kindness, though, being used to being an afterthought, and while her efforts to repair her relationship with her sister (and more importantly, herself) weren’t futile, she still proved stiff whenever the notion that she existed outside of her music was in any way indicated.  
and lisa imai seemed to overflow with kindness at all times. sometimes it enraged sayo, for reasons unknown, and she continued to push the other girl away.

***

“ah! lisa-nii!” a light, enthusiastic voice called out, and lisa whipped her head around to see who it was. brushing hair out of her eyes, she smiled and waved.

“himari-chan!” lisa waited idly for a moment as himari jogged through the windy school courtyard to catch up, wondering what himari could--oh! yes! amigurumi... himari had requested some help from her in knitting plushies for the members of afterglow; such a gesture was too sweet--and too himari--for lisa to say no.

as himari and lisa began the stride to hazawa coffee, lisa couldn’t help but make the littlest bit of small talk; besides, it was rare that she saw people that weren’t her bandmates nowadays with how busy she was, so she couldn’t help but at least be a bit curious.

“pleasant weather we’re having, isn’t it?” she asked lightheartedly, wiping wind-induced tears from her eyes.

“totally,” himari replied with her usual pep, although it was difficult to smile with her face frozen cold by the winter chill. 

“so, what’s the occasion?” lisa couldn’t help but inquire--it was only early december, and since she had gladly agreed to help with the process, she figured it was a bit too early to get started on christmas gifts. 

“oh--um,” himari seemed caught off-guard by the question, which surprised lisa. “just getting a head start on christmas!” the shorter girl said with an odd urgency, to which lisa nodded and replied, with as much a smile as she managed, “as one does.”

after having taken their seats at himari’s usual table, and ordering (lisa some jasmine tea, and himari hot chocolate), the two delved immediately into conversation. 

“uehara-chan,” lisa prompted, “what exactly was it that you were thinking of making?”

“well,” himari’s eyes lit up, “since our band’s color is pretty much red, and, well, we’re afterglow, i thought about knitting or crocheting or something--a set of bunnies in the colors of a graduating sunset! and since you were nice enough to help, i just thought… maybe they could be a little more intricate or something!”

lisa let out a good-natured laugh at himari’s enthusiasm. “that sounds perfect, actually, and totally attainable! man, afterglow’s all really close, aren’t you?”  
“well, yeah, we’ve known each other for years! they’re my best friends, i know we all love each other regardless of if we have arguments--not that we do much--it’s like, if i’m the sun, then they’re the clouds! or, actually, it’s more the other way around, they are my sun, and i am a cloud!” himari smiled with that final statement, looking content; lisa read a slight wishfulness in the other girl’s eyes.

“wow,” lisa smiled, giving a valiant attempt to hide the melancholy that had somehow, seemingly unprompted, settled over her. “it sounds like, then, we should really be giving this our all, huh?”

himari nodded, and lisa knew what was coming.

_“hey, hey, hoh!”_


	3. neo fantasy

“sayo-channn, won’t you play neo fantasy with us after practice today?” ako’s voice rang through the waiting area as roselia waited for their studio reservation. 

sayo shook her head, swallowing a bite of her lunch. “apologies, udagawa-san, but i have more schoolwork today than usual; not to mention i will be practicing for our show next weekend. you should, too.” she looked at ako, stoic as usual.

“i am! i am practicing, i swear it, and besides, it never hurt anyone to have a little fun every once in a while. please, sayoooooo, pleaaaaase, right rin-rin?” ako turned to rinko, tugging at the other girl’s sleeve playfully. rinko simply smiled and nodded, and ako turned to sayo, her red eyes shining with obviously feigned tears. 

“yeah, sayo-san,” an unexpected voice chimed in. “loosen up a little! ako won’t stop talking about how great you are at the game, why don’t you give it a rest one night?” lisa grinned at sayo, and, inexplicably, much to sayo’s anger, she very much felt compelled to agree…

“no,” sayo shook her head. “maybe over the weekend.” 

“did you hear that, rin-rin?!” ako yelped excitedly. “maybe over the weekend! we’ll make the coolest trio ever, and kick everyone’s asses!” the girl excitedly took a sip of her drink, as rinko smiled softly at sayo. 

“thank you, sayo-san,” rinko said softly to sayo, who only nodded in return, occupied with lisa imai’s smug smile at the other side of the table. 

yukina looked up from her lunch. “it’s good that you’re practicing, sayo. i appreciate your vigor,” and here, she could swear that yukina looked to her side at lisa, “but make sure not to overwork yourself.”

sayo couldn’t bring herself to say anything in response.

\--

practice went smoothly, as far as anyone else would be able to tell, but for lisa, it was anything but. yes, she fumbled through some parts of some songs; yes, her fingers hurt more than usual--but no, it wasn’t that. it was the lunch roselia had shared right before.

they had taken their usual seats around the usual round table--lisa next to yukina, then ako between her and rinko, then sayo between rinko and yukina. it seemed fitting to their dynamic, she found, that these seats would be the ones to come naturally. she knew that yukina was a stickler for routine--not so much as ran was, yukina was satisfied with routine so long as there was room to charge forth and grow--but she wished, sometimes, that roselia was a little more open to these subtle changes. lisa found herself wanting to sit next to sayo, as every single one of her attempts to communicate with the other girl were, in one way or another, entirely deflected or ignored. she knew sayo meant no harm, but… she wished that sayo would acknowledge her existence, sometimes. not to say that she didn’t, she did, lisa could tell she didn’t hate her, but it sure didn’t feel like she liked her.

as the band wrapped up practice, lisa could just faintly hear the pitter-patter of rain outside, layered with ako’s cheers of glee and pride, and yukina’s simultaneous appreciation and chastise of the younger girl’s enthusiasm. 

walking home, if not for her instrument, lisa would not have opened her umbrella; the most primitive part of her yearned to feel the rain beat in time with her still-young heart, the cold droplets like small knives against her skin, thrilling, invigorating, painful; there to seep out and soak her emotions. 

“what have you gotten yourself into…” she mumbled to herself, lost in thought, stopping abruptly at a stop light, not having noticed that she was about to cross the street while the light was still red. it was odd, foreign, even, to lisa, this disconnect from her emotion. she always knew how she was feeling--she prided herself in being so connected to her own emotions that it helped her identify them in others. it was her niche, her territory, this support and knowledge--she wanted to see others as happy as she was. and she was, without a doubt, but… there was something else there, too.

a yearning, perhaps.

but for what? for sayo? no, it couldn’t be. lisa had several boys--and girls--asking for her hand, her company to this or that party, surely if this was the seed of love it would feel somewhat more similar to the giggles and honour and thrill that came with those proposal.

“the seed of love”? no, no, she ridiculed herself. love was not a painful thing. love was the first blossoms of spring, the touch of soft fingertips brushing against each other, silky hair and clear blue skies. love was choruses of laughter accompanied by bodily warmth and intricacy of emotional interaction. love was the bringer of comfort and happiness.

love, to lisa imai, was not a bringer of pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! thanks again for reading! sorry this took a bit longer to get out, life's been hectic with everything going on... i intend to keep updating semi-routinely so sayolisa nation please stick around


	4. new day

too late… it was way too late to be awake. sayo’s fatigue-dazed brain knew that much. she had reluctantly agreed to play neo fantasy online with ako and rinko just that once; she didn’t want to feed into the gratification that came with being good at something hina wasn’t, and, after all, she cared about the two younger girls. they were almost sisters to her too, in a way.

and with that, sayo plunged into the deep fog that shrouded her mind, laying in bed, her pillow cold and soaked through from her shampooed hair. she thought of something ako had offhandedly mentioned on call--how cool her sister was, as always, but also how she knew who her sister had a ~crush~ on, at which rinko let out a giggle; sayo could tell she was often enamoured with ako’s shameless chuunibyou. the two were polar opposites, but it was undeniable that they brought out the best in each other.

did she have anyone like that? sayo wasn’t sure. had she even had a crush? 

urgh... the thought was difficult, to say the least. she had yukina, but the two were alike in nearly every way, from ideals to execution. she had ako, and rinko, but the two were young--very--and not so much opposites to her at all. who else did she have? she supposed she had imai-san, but… the two barely talked. why was that? it wasn’t like they didn’t get along--lisa’s gyaru fashion, gentle smile, shining hair and naturally glowing skin weren’t exactly unappealing… but she didn’t know lisa. not really. her hobbies, her interests… and yet, here, in the dim light of the moon, under her suddenly heavy sheets, sayo found herself replaying lisa’s few, sparse words to her in her mind.

“loosen up a little!” lisa had said, an apprehensive playfulness in her voice. after repeating the line three, four, five times in her mind, sayo decided not to dwell on it more than needed, and forced herself to sleep.

\--

lisa ran her hands down her face, sat up in bed.  
it’s too damn early to be awake on a weekend, she thought to herself, and although she surely wasn’t one to sleep in all the way to the afternoon, she wasn’t one to wake up at the crack of dawn, as she had now.

truthfully, she hadn’t slept very well at all, in lieu of a peculiar dream, in which her dearest friends and bandmates had what of… swapped roles and personalities. and in that dream, she had found herself enamoured with the idea of a more outgoing sayo hikawa. 

or, perhaps, simply a sayo hikawa that she knew better.

and on second thought, maybe enamoured wasn’t quite the right word…

no way lisa was going back to sleep now. swinging her legs off of her bed, she sat, blankly staring at the wall for five, ten minutes, until she realized that the early rays of sunlight were painfully obscuring her peripheral; she proceeded to trod quietly over to the bathroom and begin her skincare routine.

she had long since come to terms with the fact that she looked the way she looked for herself, and that anyone else who enjoyed it was simply along for the ride--not in a narcissistic way, but simply in that it felt good to look good, and the only person she aimed to impress was herself. it was by no means an easy task, keeping herself pristine, but the skincare routines that had started as tedious were now just extra time to think, for better and worse, and were as ingrained in lisa as her speech patterns and handwriting.

it was because of this that some days, lisa found that the basic three or four step routine took her nearly an hour, and today was one of those days. she wasn’t going anywhere but practice, of course, so it shouldn’t have taken her nearly that long, she knew, but her mind was bogged down with thoughts of… 

thoughts of what? her dream? sayo? she found herself thinking about sayo an awful lot as of late, but couldn’t exactly pinpoint why; every time she tried, her mind simply blanked. 

she decided not to dwell on it as she returned to her room, looking out of her room into the bright new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long ahh;; life's been crazy hectic + i've been working on a new fic!! i will probably update this every other day or so until it's done, hopefully with longer chapters too! ty for your support!


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